The Myth of Cattiness

I just wanted to say…

I have been surrounded by great women all my life.

And that I think that the notion that women are mean and catty is mostly a myth. 

Anyone can be. I can be. Maybe you can be that way too. Mostly though all my life and right up to today I have personally found that women are good to each other. 

My earliest memories are of my mother’s friends. Names like Edna, Kitty, and Mary come to mind. They shared their lives. Sometimes it was fun, sometimes sad. I still see them on the street or in each other’s kitchens passing stories, being each other’s blessing.

I watched my mother look after her friend Ann Bartlett when Ann was sick and dying. For a year I went to the Bartlett’s for school lunch because that is where mom would be. I would go in and visit Ann at her bedside and she was so happy to hear about my day. When I think of my mom I know that is who she was. She was a woman who loved and cared for her friend who was dying. That single act of caring in my mothers life makes her amazing to me.

 Then there was my Aunt Beth. I watched her go to summer school and get educated. I saw her good judgement and kind heart. She lived through loss and saw the importance of the joy to be found in each other. She loved her seven neices and was so proud of us. She was always telling you how good you were. I still think of her as someone to emulate.

In my Aunt Mary and my Aunt Nell I saw business women who were generous and kind but sharp as tacks. My Aunt Nell ran two boarding houses in Brooklyn, New York. She would send me an outfit, or my mom a cheque for $50. She stayed in touch and loved us. She worked hard and held her shoulders back and her head high.

 Aunt Mary was always there in St.John’s to welcome us from around the bay. Her house was a welcome home. I would watch my mother with her sisters and sisters in law and know that there was comfort in getting along. They were all women I try to be like. 

Except for Aunt Mary and the overnight guests. Sorry I am just no good at that. I do though sent people out of my house with food I made or got on sale somewhere like she used to do.

I have six sisters of my own. I never really grew up with them as most were left the house shortly after I came along but they have always surrounded me like a quilt. I remember them coming home for the weekend with gifts for me. New colouring books.  I love them all and they love me. I watched them get married, get educated, have children and grandchildren. All their stages came before mine and watching them prepared me and still prepares me. It is like a video of what may come. Everyone of them is different and I love each one in their own way. It is because of them that I go educated. There was no other way. You got yourself educated and you got a job and you looked after yourself.

I have two good sister in laws. My mother in law took me in to her family easily and was kind and generous with her time and also with her advice. When she was alive I rolled my eyes ( right in front of her) but now that she is gone and I am older there is so much of it I follow that it sometimes worries me. 

My daughter is like a dream come true. I could not imagine a better one. 

Then there are the women I work with at the studio and 30 Church.  They are pretty great. We all have our moments but we all have our gifts. Everyday I learn from them and watch them grow into themselves. They are soooo good to me.

Then there are my good friends. We went to school together or raised families together. They know you. You know them.

 I never feel afraid to walk out of the room at work or with my friends, or my sisters, or my co workers or any of the women I surround myself with. 

Do they sometimes talk about me?

 Well yes. I can be a pain in the arse. 

That is not the question. The question is do they care about me?

The question is when it comes down to it do the people you surround yourself with have your back?

It is natural to talk about each other. 

It is fine really as long as you also talk to each other about whatever it is that you say about each other. 

That is the rule I try to follow. Sometimes it is impossible but when I can I like to bring things to the surface. I do not like to talk about some one unless I am able to talk to them about it.

I am no Pollyanna. I know we can be hard on each other. 

Recently I heard a woman talk about another woman with great disregard. I was just in the room, not part of the conversation. And I was shocked. 

I have been thinking about it for weeks. It really bothered me.

The more I think about it though I realize I was shocked because this was the exception. Mostly in my life I do not hear women tear down other women. Mostly I see and have seen and still hear them build each other up. 

Cattiness is really not that common in my world. That might be because I don’t make any room for it but I also think that it is not as common as we are lead to believe.

I watch women in my community every day support and be kind to each other. It is mostly what I see. 

When one woman  is sick, another woman is organizing a parade of meals. When another woman is having a hard time, her friends are making sure that someone is dropping in regularly.

I think women have got a bum wrap in the cattiness department. 

Sure when we were young there was some cattiness.

Sure there is a bit a gossip. 

Sure we can be hard on each other.

But really what do we see mostly? 

I see women reaching out to each other. 

I see them praying for each other.

And I see them putting out their hands for each other so they can help another woman step up to the plate. 

I have seen it all my life.

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