Dear Diary, It took me a long time to get back to sleep last night after I woke up through the night. I know many women my age experience this sometimes. I know I am not alone in the middle of the night, that lots of you are awake out there too. It is a comfort to know that lots of you are out there, resting quietly, reading, saying your prayers. It is part of middle age. It is part of an age and stage in life and I accept it. I still had a nice day, a long walk with a friend after meeting up at the library, a nice lunch with some artist friends, a good visit with Catherine and some customers at the studio.Then at four o’clock a little lay down and a nap before I cooked supper as I listened two my children carry on with their friends in the kitchen. I love the sound of other people talking as I fall off to sleep. I have since I was a little girl and listened to my parents and their friends in the kitchen.
The thing is you have to own your day, even if you are a bit tired or worn out. You still have to enjoy your day. I go a little slower , which is not a bad thing but I am still responsible for myself, to keep busy and happy. Purpose is important. Belonging is important. And sometimes just laying down and just being is important. I have learned this from lots of other middle aged to older women that I have talked to. There is a lot of wisdom in friendship and we really need to be open with each other about our experiences and our feelings. It makes us all feel better. Facades are for your twenties, if you need them then, maybe they get carried into your thirties but the forties and beyond are a time for honesty with each other.With honesty comes relief and understanding. I don’t have much time for facades,. I never really did. Each of us has a story , a weakness, a strength to balance it and we seek understanding and consolation. We also seek to give the same. It makes us feel better about ourselves and others.
I was reminded today of the prayer of St Francis of Assissi, which I love so much I once hooked it. I think whatever you believe there is great truth in this prayer. We all want peace and understanding, love, and joy.
Being easy and honest with each other facilitates this. Sometimes you’re the listener, sometimes you are the one listened to. It is life, it is aging, and it is a blessing.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen