Dear Diary,

I had planned to go to Newfoundland this weekend but changed my mind and decided to stay home. Those of you who know me, know that I am a home body. When I decide to go on a trip I get anxious from the time I decide to go, until the time I get home. I often change my mind and don’t go at all, as in this case. Then I feel as if there is something wrong with me for not wanting to go. Especially to Newfoundland, which is where I grew up, and a place that I love. I could make all kinds of excuses. I could tell you that I am afraid to fly, but I am not really. Once I let go, I let go. My husband says my biggest problem is that I say yes in the first place to going somewhere. He might be right, but I forget what I am like, and think this time will be different. It never is. I hate to say it, but Robert Mansour is right. Did I just write that? If you see him, do not tell him you read it here.  I think that I want to go. I like the idea of going. I enjoy seeing new things, just that after a day, I want to go home, no matter if I am in Halifax, or Galway, it’s all the same to me, I just want to go home.

I could tell you that I get nervous at the thought of leaving home, and that would be the truth. I start to get lonely a week before I leave. I say my prayers and then I wish that I was back from the trip already.Then I start thinking of my summer as before, and after the trip, and that the thought of leaving weighs heavy on me. That would be true. Now is that sensible? Whether it is or it isn’t does not matter. It is just the way I am. I wrote about it in my book , “Inspired”. I struggle with myself sometimes to relax and have a peaceful mind. That is the honest truth of it. We all have our struggles and that is mine. I worry.

Some might say that when you don’t like to travel you let your world gets too small. I never feel like my world is small. I feel like I have lots of ideas and people in my life. I feel connected in all kinds of ways. I am active in my community. I have a big community of rug hookers from all over the place, who thankfully like to travel, and come here to see me, bringing their experiences here to visit the studio and to workshops. Just this morning, I spent an hour with Lee Karrow, who traveled from Illinois and we had a lovely visit. Until today, Lee had been someone I spoke to on the phone, or read a comment from on my blog. Today she was here. Thankfully she likes to hit the road. I love seeing the people who read the blog come visit.

Years ago, before I had kids, and still liked to travel quite a bit, my friend Karen, who had three little boys at the time, said, “I don’t want to travel. I just want to be here in my own  little world.” . At the time I never understood but I accepted that about her. Years later, nearly twenty now, I  know what she was talking about. At forty seven I am approaching new stages in my life. Knowing my kids are happy is enough to make me happy. Knowing that they are  cozy and happy and in their beds is actually enough to make my life feel complete. It is a simple recipe and every mother knows it. I want to wake up in the same place as my daughter. If my son comes home for the weekend I like to be around to cook a bit, to see him, to make a home. He might say I like to be around to keep an eye on him, but truth his I just like to look at him. After I have been away for a few nights I even like the sound of my husband snoring.

When I called my cousin Donny Fitz  a few weeks ago to say I planned to come to Nfld, he said, he had ran into my friend Helen, and she and he were making bets as to if I’d actually come. Well they were right. The homebody won out, not because I do not love  Nfld, because I do. I just love it here too. In twenty minutes this afternoon, I will drive to Amherst Shore and throw on my bathing suit and dog paddle along the warmest waters north of the Carolinas. I’ll pick up new potatoes somewhere along the way and boil them for supper. I’ll see a friend. If  I wake up in the middle of the night because I can’t sleep ( welcome to forty seven) I’ll listen to my husband sleeping beside me and be glad I am home in my own bed. You might say it is a small life, but it is not as if I don’t know the world is out there. It is not as if I have never been anywhere.  These might be excuses, but for me they are reasons. I want to be where I am. I love where I live. I love my family, my home, my art, and my business. I try to take advantage of what is around me. I try to live fully, right here where I am.

I feel a little “small ” sometimes because I no longer like to travel. Especially since most of my family, and friends seem to love too, then I remember that not everyone loves to travel. I look around at my neighbours in the county and I realize that many people travel very little. My father, never went back to across the bay to his home in Paradise after he left as a young man, a two hour boat ride away. The furthest he ever went was to come to Nova Scotia to see his daughter. His brother, my Uncle Andy, (Donny Fitz’s father) also hates to travel. As he says, “I’d never go anywhere.” I am like them I s’pose. I write my Uncle Andy regularly but we never visit, being that we are both happy at home. My mother in law, Alexandra, came to Canada from Lebanon when she was twenty three. She returned to Lebanon a couple of times, but mostly she was happy going between Amherst and Amherst Shore. Her sister Vicki, and brother George, also immigrants were very much the same. As she would say, I came so far, I am just happy to be settled. Fifty years after that first journey, she felt pretty much the same, happy to be home.

I am also glad that so many of you like to travel and do come here to the studio and make the trek to my workshops, or just a a studio visit. You make my world quite a bit bigger. Thanks for coming.


 my back stoop

The way it really is….

my old gallery is now where I read

A rainbow over my friends’ house


10 thoughts on “homebody

  1. The beauty of reading your blog is that you make me think about how I react to things – like travel. It’s so easy to believe that everyone thinks or feels the same. And it’s easy to believe that we will never change the way we think and feel.
    Travel has been one of the great joys of our (my husband and my) lives. Part of it is probably because we do it together and each of us has discovered that when we go alone we constantly wish the other was there so we could talk about why the traffic patterns are different, the people friendlier (or not), the food tastier (or strange), etc. Without James I don’t see or experience as much by myself. But one of the reasons we travel is to remind us how lucky we are to have a home we love to come back to.
    And now that we’re approaching our 60s, we recognize that this is changing. Travel is work… planning, packing, dealing with airports and security, pick pockets, con artists… it’s exhausting and sometimes frightening. I see the day coming when we’ll decide it’s too much work and my hip, knee, back hurts when I sit too long on a plane, in a car. So our travel has taken on a new urgency to get all those places on our list visited and stored away so that when that day does come…and it will… we’ll have great memories to relive while we sit at home. Because we really do love to travel.
    Deanne, you make me think about things. Thank you.


  2. Deanne if I was living in God’s part of the country, as you do, I would not want to travel either. I travelled a lot in my early years but now I just like to be home to do my things. The only time I do travel is to the Maritimes and that is because I plan on making it my home eventually.. as that is where my heart is and once there I won’t budge either except to tootle around the countryside!


  3. Deanne I love that you share parts of yourself in your blog. I guess that is why we all feel like we know you. I love that you are a homebody and can share this with others. I have always had a restless soul and I find my rug hooking helps me to settle and enjoy and look forward to being at home. However, the next best thing, or maybe even more exciting is to be looking forward to my next trip to your studio!


  4. Deanne,

    I love your thoughts and how eloquently you write them down. When I read your blog today i kept thinking of the phrase, “Bloom where you are planted.” It took me quite awhile to fully understand that phrase. I always thought it meant going back to where you are born and raised. Then I understood it to mean live fully where you are at this moment. Make it your home. Grow in the community. I think one can travel the world but often we overlook right where we are. Thank you from all the homebodies!


  5. You really are a home body. There is no place like home is true. I wouldn’t miss my trip to Amherst for anything. After all the traveling I have done I am now content to stay in Canada. My two weeks at the cottage on Lake Huron, is one place, Nova Scotia another, and Calgary to see my son and two of my granddaughters. Those are the places I care about the most. Although I wouldn’t pass up a trip to Newfoundland.Glad to be home again, I missed your daily blogs, the cottage wasn’t set up for Yi Fi.So hello again. Shirley


  6. I hit the post comment before I shared my lesson..lol! What I learned was to pack extra handwork in the event you are COMPLETELY alone on vaca with three teens……take care! E.


  7. I too like to travel in the abstract but in reality I love my home. When I must go away I try to bring my quilting or wool works to comfort me till I can get back…..One year on a vacation in Maine I decided to take a page out of my husbands book and do whatever he does on vacation..he is so good at it. Well wouldn’t you know he had to go back home on the second day for a family emergency and I watched his Jeep drive away down past Long Sands and I knew I had to figure it out myself…..I never really did but I learned a


  8. Deanne..Wow…I’m so much like you when it comes to traveling. I will go away for short periods of time, but I’m always thinking about going home. Home is where I’m comfortable and where my heart really is. Even if I travel with my husband and children, I still get homesick.
    Take care,


  9. You have it all right there. Lovely place, so stay and enjoy. Funny today, I must decide if I am going up to your place in October. I too think exactly like you. And Do as you do, say I will go and then don’t. Thanks for sharing. Boy can I relate.


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